Good bye Southland

In a few hours we'll wake up and begin the immense journey back home, to reality as the kids said tonight. We finished 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' this evening and in essence we are returning perhaps a little like Eustace (he's one of the characters) in that we probably have changed in ways we didn't expect. The kids are taller, I've lost more hair, Shonet's more beautiful (was that possible?). But we're excited to come home, excited to see family and friends and return to our home land and home church. We've learned a lot, but more than technical skill or new big ideas I think more than anything we are returning with a sense of calm and peace after investing in soul work. What does that mean? Well it doesn't mean that we tried to finish something necessarily measurable (how do you measure maturity or patience, grace or kindness?), but by eliminating the clutter of needs around us I do think we have experienced a true sense of Psalm 131. We made time for the long talks needed, of confession and conflict, room was made to laugh and let go of somethings and in that, time was made to listen with ears open and defences down.
I re-read an opening chapter from a book I was given at the Kirith Retreat and was struck again as to why we took this sabbatical. Just a warning, these are some of the ugly truths about pastors and their wives, here's a bit from the book:
*1,500 pastors leave the ministry permanently each month in America
*80% of pastors and 85% of their spouses feel discouraged in their roles
*70% of pastors do not have a close friend, confidant, or mentor
*Over 50% of pastors' wives feel that their husband entering the ministry was the most destructive thing to ever happen to their families.
*71% of pastors stated they were burned out, and they battle depression beyond fatigue on a weekly and even a daily basis.
*One out of every ten ministers will actually retire as a minister.
These stats came from a variety of groups including Barna research, Fuller seminary, and Focus on the Family.
The author of the book continues, "We have neglected the fact that a pastors' greatest leadership tool is a healthy soul." Then to quote an old quaker, "A leader is a person who must take special responsibility for what's going on inside himself or herself...lest the act of leadership create more harm than good." This was why we got away, to slow down and listen to God in His word and be together as a family in a special setting.
I will have more things to post I am sure in the days to come, perhaps when I am bleary eyed and jet lagged, but for now we are incredibly grateful and humbled for the chance to experience this adventure as a family. Its something we will forever cherish and believe we slowed down enough to hear and once again encounter God in more personal ways than we have in a long time.
To our friends and family and to our church--thank you for praying for us and for allowing us to enjoy this time away, we look forward to seeing all of you again and hearing your stories, the ones that happened while we were away. In the meantime, there's time for one more paddle pop.

Dolphins and ice cream

I didn't publish this article on the day it happened but has been one of the great highlights of this trip for me personally so felt I should put this up. Keep in mind the date is about 3 weeks ago while we were still on the island. 

March 20, 2019. Today I turned 43 and enjoyed two luxuries on the island that have been expected but not experienced. Dolphins and ice cream. I had it in my mind to see the sunrise coming over the ocean, so I waited till the morning of my birthday...crawling out of bed before anyone (and the pesky lorikeets) and gathering  a mug of tea, my journal, Bible and camera I saddled my rusty steed (bike) and trekked the 1km ride up to the coast. Sunrises and sunsets are two of the most amazing natural wonders of the planet...and they happen everyday in every part of the world. A Canadian sunrise over a calm lake in mid summer with a loon calling on the far side of the shore is just about the closest thing to heaven I know. But today, after discarding my sandals and waddling up the dunes to find myself tumbling onto the beach looking at the miles of surf this was something difficult to describe. The colours: purple, orange, pink, hues of blue and white clouds dotted the horizon with the perpetual sound of the crashing surf, it was completely surreal and such a special moment. I just sat in the sand and watched it all enfold before me...the sun slowly coming up, the songs of the birds rising with te light, and seeing the landscape changing colours and contours by the minute. A friend of mine quoted John Calvin who said something like, 'Its a great tragedy when a Christian loses their sense of awe'. A sunrise is a good remedy for that I believe. While I was enjoying this view a flash in the water caught my eye...a fin? No way. Looking intently again at the spot in the ocean I figured I must have imagined it...but sure enough two fins poked out of the surface. I've seen Jaws too many times and my instinct was to run off the beach in case it was a 30' great white coming to eat me, but that passed quick enough and I realized I was in the presence of a pod of dolphins about 50' out. There were four (that I could count), jumping out of the water, riding down the crashing waves, they seemed to be simply goofing off. They were literally right in front of me and for the next half hour I watched with stunned joy at these four mammals playing in the surf. They would jump out of the water, slide down a wave then turn around and do it again, as if they were pleased to have a captive audience on the beach. I don't know much about dolphins or why they do what they do much less how often they frequent that part of the beach, but it did seem to me a very special gift on my birthday to encounter them and have a half hour to myself watching this display of fun. (see if you can spot the dolphin in the picture...I took this b/c I liked the way the water was washing over the beach...it wasn't till I looked at it after that I discovered a dolphin photobombed the shot!)

But a deeper question struck me--did God plan this? What do you think? Does God smile...is He up to mischief for our joy? Have you ever experienced a moment that seemed prepackaged by God to lift your spirit and settle your soul? Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring you quietness with His love. He will delight in you with shouts of joy." I wonder how often I miss those moments God prepares for me. So thankful I was up and able to catch this one.
The other treat was less exotic but wonderful--ice cream with my family! Because of our long and hot commute we don't bring ice cream with us and to buy it on the island feels like I'm supporting piracy its so expensive. But for this day we splurged and enjoyed a few 'paddle pops' and cones...such a treat to enjoy this time with my family. A day to cherished for all its textured delights.

Lost phone

I actually remember something from a sermon years ago, I mean YEARS ago, when I was quite young. The preacher said something like this, 'when you kick a bucket over you find out what is inside of it--honey or acid' (not sure who's the guy that only puts honey or acid in a bucket...but that's another story) and similarly with life life he said 'when your life gets kicked you find out what is inside of it'. This weekend we took an adventure to the coast involving a train, a tram and eventually a bus to end up at a waterpark designed to hurt both the body and ego. I haven't fallen so hard since I was a kid, the whole place seemed designed to find ways to make you slip and fall as awkwardly as possible, it is basically a floating obstacle course. One of my favourite memories of this trip will be laughing so hard at seeing Shonet slip, panic, grasp at futility only to be absorbed by the salty brine below...and in my laughing stupor to lose my footing and in a half second see my feet in the air above my head in a contortion that could get me a job with Circue du Soleil. I have a new respect for those I have mocked on the show 'Wipeout'.  We had a blast but by the end I wasn't sure if I would be walking properly or if my spine would need some serious realignment. The kids did great and were off to the next physical adventure, Shonet and I caught our breath and counted ourselves fortunate to be walking. This is the course behind us...all smiles before heading in (notice Olivia's brave face...a typical posture of hers on this trip).

When we finally stumbled back to the tram station we had picked up a few groceries and in the moments before the tram arrived we reshuffled the bags. A bell rung, the tram arrived, groceries were stuffed into packs and we hopped on, happy to be heading home. 

A tired body + tired mind + an urgent pack up = something will be forgotten. I had been using my phone to navigate around the area and had put it down on a bench by the station while we packed our bags, 20 minutes later when had to switch trams I realized to my horror--I left my phone at the station we came from. Have you ever lost your phone or your wallet? In a foreign country? This was a kick for sure and what made it more painful was I had no one to blame, my kids didn't do it, my wife didn't do it, I wasn't victimized...I simply left my phone on a bench in a sketchy area. 

I wish I could say that I responded with the faith of Elijah or the patience of Job; but rather I responded more like a pouting child. Its these moments that the kids remember, how did dad handle it when he lost his phone at the tram station...how did I handle failure and disappointment, what do I do when I lose my way...one day they will face these 'kicks' in life and they're watching and learning so they too know how to handle these moments. We have said from day one of this sabbatical that God was taking us on an adventure, that we are trusting Him and learning what He has for us in each day...lets keep our eyes open to what God has planned for us. But what I wanted to see was my phone...

We prayed together on the tram station and then I anxiously parted, frantically wondering what critical info was on my phone that someone could take. But after hours of searching, talking to the police and tram staff (one police officer frankly told me that the station I lost my phone at was a notoriously uncharitable area). And after missing my final bus home, I took the long walk back to our place as the sun set. Life has been incredibly good, God has been more than kind yet I couldn't help feeling despondent at this loss, I wish I could have echoed the apostle Paul's words--'consider it all joy my brothers when you face trials of all kinds...', in my long walk back I wasn't considering this very joyful and was coming up with a plan for how to find this phone the next day. But really in the end, we prayed again and though I was quite sorry I felt peace to just let it go. 

That's when we got a phone call...from MY phone! A university student picked it up shortly after we left, didn't know what to do with it so he took it home to show his dad. I had been texting and phoning my phone from Shonet's phone and they simply called back. Long story short, they were happy to hold on to it till we could pick it up no strings attached. Another undeserved mercy and grace to us...I am currently typing this while using my phone for a hotspot. Kind of cool how it all worked out. Yet it revealed that there are many areas in my heart that I find difficult to trust God with, that when I get kicked (to be honest this is a minor kick compared to what others experience) my go to reaction is to take control, pout and demand my rights...ridiculous. Am thankful for the day that it was, for the laughs with my family, and for my phone back...but also for what it revealed in me (not proud of it but thankful to be aware of it). I believe it was Socrates who said, 'An unexamined life is not worth living'. Thankful for many things today.